After an horrific nights sleep I’m up and about in London Town. Obviously being away from home means that my normal schedule is kind of all over the place. Although I managed to train last night I wasn’t able to do my usual full 60 minute evening cardio. I spent a lot of time feeling really quite bad over it during the evening but eventually brushed it off and simply told myself I will get to the studio at 7.30am to get my morning cardio in before I started work for the day. Well I got there and it’s heaving, so packed out with clients and I cannot take the equipment up. Being a studio the cardiovascular range is limited and clients take priority over me.
I instantly felt angry with myself. So I’m now wondering why am I guilt tripping over 2 hours of my life? Does it really matter or is really in the grand scheme of things going to effect anything? This is the problem with competition prep for me, I’m such an obsessive person. If my life is structured and I deviate I go into melt down a little bit. Really what I should be doing here is appreciating the rest and recovery my body is getting but my brain just won’t allow it. I think I have be careful here and start to ere on the side of caution, it’s okay to be in control of prep but not let prep be in control of me. It’s so ingrained in me now to train, eat, train, eat it almost scares me.
There are somethings in life which naturally we have no control over. Sometimes things just happen and we have to roll with it. I have to question that if I’m obsessing so much over a couple of missed cardio sessions then is this truly healthy. In honesty I don’t think prep and healthy belong in the same sentence.
Although I will continue with this prep and I am the leanest I have ever been in my life I am questioning if I would do this again. And that’s of course not something I can answer until I’ve completed the journey. There are aspects I love and others that I don’t, time will soon tell if it’s truly for me or not!
Sitting here contemplating all this makes my brain a ticking time bomb. Combine that with the fact that I had to pre cook all of my food 2 days ago and with no access to a fridge every meal for today has gone off (seriously gagging eating cold boiled eggs that reeked to the high heavens at 6am this morning) and today is enough to send me over the edge. I’m here in London until about 7pm tonight and have no idea how I’m going to feed myself…though I’m sitting in a canteen serving gorgeous looking food!!
This right here is a bad prep day…they happen, a lot. There’s no point in me glossing it up.